Monday, March 26, 2007

Hi. I'm Lord Fondleberries. And I'm a Blogger

I am a Blogger. There, I typed it.

I'm not sure what that means, really. Does it mean that I should don a white frock and smile down from some virtual throne at the small following who, desperate enough to worship the garbled and largely unintelligible words spewn forth from my sausage and peppers fingers, sip from goblets brimming with my killer Koolaid recipe? Does it mean that I'm a cat person (I am: my kitties are better than yours)? Does it mean that I have unique or begged or borrowed or stolen musings on the minute details that comprise This [my] American Life? Does it mean that words that flow every few days from some misfired synapses out into the 'sphere have relevance or meaning or context [apparently the cult thinks yes]?

Alas, I think that my being a Blogger may mean, in simplest terms, that I am one who longs for the affection of those whom I don't and won't know, like you, my fake internet friend.

Over the very long four months that I've blogged, I've learned that I do not meet most criteria for having a blog worthy of a Koolaid following:

I have nothing to say
Interesting things rarely happen to me (drunk driving accidents and premature ejaculations in the presence of my own hand aside)
I cook, but follow the recipes of other bloggers or actual cooks
I write very bad fiction
I am no longer a waiter
I just learned that control + g is the Blogspot shortcut for Hindi transliteration
I post on my blog randomly
And etc.

So, what [the fuck] is wrong with me? Why [do I] Blog? Why are we [here]?

Forty-two.

Since I am such a slacking (lack-lustre) Blogger, I feel that I owe [you] some personal tid bits. Here goes:

1. I will never turn down a drink (whether or not I'm buying).

2. Those angioplasty and stent procedures that were all the rage on NPR today, I wrote the clinical study reports to get quite a few of those devices and procedures approved.

3. I'll be married in June to this great person that I do not deserve (it would be funny [or sad] if I could truthfully type that she is mail-ordered).

4. I'm a sucker for a grande non-fat late, especially every dehydrated hung-over morning.

5. I much prefer commenting on blogs than making original posts on mine own blog.

6. I am a self-professed Anglophile, though I've never been to the UK.

7. I know that three of four people prefer Rice Crispies to Raisin Bran for breakfast.

Glad to meet you.

4 comments:

furiousBall said...

I consider both Rice Krispies and Raisin Bran to be totally subpar cereals when compared the lord of lord of all cereals, Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch.

Rob said...

The Douglas Adams reference is cute. So, too, are the three Sonny Bono references.

Doris said...

Embrace your Anglophile tendencies. They are a good thing. And anyone who references Douglas Adams is all right by me.

ninsi said...

Fruity Pebbels and Coco Puffs for the pure sugar of it - but if one must go for health, I say cheerios or grapenuts. I may be the only person of my generation who actually likes Grape-Nuts.