Thursday, February 15, 2007

Fuck the Police

Say it with me, in the words of the immortal make-pretend gang lord Easy motherfucking E, "fuck The Police".

Seriously, to pick up where Uncle Roy left off: fuck Ticketmaster (read all that is even more unholy than George W fucking cunt fuck Bush). And fuck Sting.

No. Fuck that. Fuck Gordon fucking Sumner. Fucking Cunt. Fuck him right in his eight-hour tantric sex-having, Brazilian-waxed ass. That's right Gordo, I said it, your name is fucking Gordon. And you're a dirty fucking cunt. Jesus fuck, do I hope you got your ass beat in grade school. I hope some shit-fuck bully beat your ass under the auspice that you'd someday suck harder than a hoover, where that day is defined as Dream of the Blue [fuck]Turtle. I hate you. Hard. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Fucking hard.

Oh, and shame on you, Stewart-I-hope-Sting-someday-wants-to-reunite-for-a-nominal-fee-('cuz it feels so good)-to-play-the-music-that-meant-so-much-to-so-many-people-(like my whoring ass)-because-that's-the-only-way-I'd-reunite-in-front-of-large-audiences (paraphrased from a radio interview with Stewy the cunt, 2006). I hope you get cancer in your ass, eyes, ears, nose, throat, dick, and mother. And I hope Les Claypool and that dirty fucking hippie douche nozzel, Trey Anastasio, out you for being a COMPLETE PIECE OF GREEDY, SELF-SERVING, LYING FUCKING SHIT, and you fall, face down, in a pile of my own loose and occult blood-filled stool, and die.

What the fuck unleashed this silly-ass shit storm of fucks and cunts, you ask: why, the opening BID for Police tickets being 300 fucking dollars. What in the holy fuck is that? You actually mean to tell me that I am reserving the right to bid more and fucking more and yet fucking more of my dollars for what Ticketmaster calls the chance of a lifetime to be "a part of this extraordinary tour by taking advantage of these unique offers". GO FUCK YOURSELF. FUCKING HARD. RIGHT IN THE FUCKING EYE SOCKET.


knottyboy said...

I went from shock, to resting my hand on my crotch about half way through your rant. I even stopped playing with myself long enough to get my pliant ass up and get a glass of wine, put my headphones with dance music playing on my gibbonesque head and reread the whole post again. With my eyes crinkled at the corners and my hand up in my own taint...nothing better on the Thursday than reading your filthy, filthy post. LOVE IT!!!!

bunny said...

Reunion tours are so not worth it, especially ones billed like that. The Police, if memory serves - not the best concert group anyway.

Uncle Roy said...

Just think how you'll feel when New Kids on the Block get back together. Sorry, I mean NKOTB.

Anonymous said...

I love the devil horn pic!

Snooze said...

But tell us how you really feel...

Lord Fondleberries said...

i rather feel like shit right now, snooze. and a touch constipated.

but i'm glad you stopped by.

now go fuck yourself.

lord f