Today I know that I am retarded because:
1. I have been surfing the web almost continuously since just after 700 AM yesterday, and I do not intend to log off any time soon.
2. I am currently eating a frozen pizza and drinking coke (from a can). I did the same thing for dinner last night.
3. I am debating whether or not to work Star Wars into every comment I leave on other blogs from this point forward.
4. Coldplay is on the radio as I am typing this, and I am much too lazy to go into the other room and change the channel. (Clarification: I fucking hate Coldplay and hope that Gwyneth Paltrow gave them all anal herpes, either directly or indirectly. Incidentally, I had to google Ms. Paltrow to get the proper spelling of her name.)
5. I have a blog and actually keep it updated.
6. I am 33 years-old and have a MySpace account. And I keep it updated. In fact, I'm going to change the song on my MySpace player when I finish this post.
Update as of 23 January 2007:
7. I won't let coworkers touch me (as in hand shakes you dirty bastards), but I'll lay on the filthy floor.
Update as of 24 January 2007:
8. I can't tie my shoes without making two little loops with the laces (you know, they way we tied our shoes when we were 3). Consequently, I have to make double knots.