Thursday, February 8, 2007

Real Quick

The easily offended shit dicks of Atlantic Beach, Florida, lost their minds, ate a dick, and made a local comedy club change "The Vagina Monologues" to "The HooHaa Monologues" on their marquee. Like it or not people, you're all a bunch of cunts. So quit your whining and change your diapers.

According to my horriblescope for today, I was apparently prepared for this cranky response to said Floridian cunts:
There is a great deal of uncertainty in the air right now, which could leave you feeling moody or downright cranky today. The good news is that all your friends and loved ones are attuned to your feelings, and they will be able to zig whenever you zag. They can provide all the stability or calming energy you may need. So try not to isolate yourself too much today. Get with people as often as you can, even if it's just to hang out and shoot the breeze.

Lucky for me, I'm a male hooker, so I can get with up to 3 people in an hour, thus satisfying the "get with people as often as I can" bit.

In other news, the lovely people of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, have put on yet another display of brotherly love. This assholewas nice enough to leave his daughter outside in the cold. She died. My favorite part, "Tiny footprints in the snow suggested she had gotten up and wandered around before she died". Awww.


Anonymous said...

What an asswipe. He deserves to have monkeys pellet him to death with their poo.

Uncle Roy said...

My priest called his mouth a hoohah. I see now how wrong this was.

Lord Fondleberries said...

bjb: those monkeys would have to chow quite a bit of fiber to make hard enough poos.

uncle roy: what did your priest call your mouth is the more important question. i'll look for you in the chat rooms. my screen name is 6969_shanleysinyourmouth_6969ohyeahhotstuff_69

le bruce bruce said...

I, for one, will refuse to zig whenever you may zag.

Steph said...

"he took the girl outside wrapped in a blanket and left her, still breathing, beside railroad tracks near a bridge."

Unbelievable. At least she was still breathing after he beat her - a 2 year old. Mandatory sterilization!